It's Not Personal

Not everything goes your way as you navigate through life but when you don’t get that thing you’re desperate for, it’s good to consider that it’s not personal. It’s probably not because you weren’t good enough. It’s likely something a lot less complicated.

I was a professional actor for about 8 years and rejection was part of the course in the entertainment industry. To survive you had to become resilient to the knock backs and learn not to take things personally. In fact, it rarely was personal. Strangely, it was getting cast in a Birmingham Royal Ballet production, as someone with less than basic ballet skills, that taught me this lesson. 

Giselle

It was 1999, I’d graduated from the Birmingham School of Speech and Drama and my agents sent me to an audition at the Birmingham Royal Ballet studios. They were looking for actors to play characters in a hunting scene for David Bintley’s brand new production of Giselle.

On arriving, we were asked to line up to be scrutinised by the casting director. After a little improvising we were asked if anyone had animal handling skills. A few of us raised our hands and then we were asked if anyone had experience with horses. As the only person present who had worked for several years at a livery yard and was a competent horse rider, I was hired and put in charge of leading a live horse on stage with the principal dancer atop, riding side saddle.

If I remember correctly, they cast four of us, two were to carry hunting equipment and the other person, a lovely chap called Nick, was responsible for two lolloping blood hounds. As it was a brand new production the costumes were made specifically for us. We got to attend rehearsals, marvelling at the strength and stamina of the dancers. Our time on stage was limited to about fifteen minutes in the first act, where we mostly stood around watching the principal dancer perform. Not the most challenging role I ever had but I did have a slightly skittish horse to contend with. 

A backstage shot of me as the original groom in the BRB's 1999 production of Giselle. The photo at the top of the page is of a later production. It clearly isn't me holding the horse but it is the costume that was made for for me.

The show opened at the Birmingham Hippodrome, where I got to tend to the horse backstage until it was time to make our entrance. It didn’t take the horse long to know it’s cue to get ready from the music and there was only one incident when something spooked it while on stage, causing the Giselle to dismount rather quickly as we made a swift exit before it went galloping into the orchestra pit. When the production moved to The Lowry Centre in Salford, which was too small to accommodate the horse, I had the joy of taking one of the blood hounds on instead, obviously minus the principal dancer. This was a lot less stressful!

The production then transferred to The Royal Opera House, Covent Garden. It was to be the grand reopening of the newly refurbished theatre and definitely big enough to accommodate the horse. My colleague Nick wasn’t able to continue with the production so I was asked if I knew anyone who was good with dogs and would fit his costume. I put forward my partner at the time, Paul, who was a trained dancer. Almost like Cinderella, he was told that if the costume fitted, the job was his. Well, it did and the two of us had an amazing time, getting paid to take some animals on stage at one of the most prestigious venues in the world. As we weren’t required for the curtain call, we would leave at the interval of every performance and spend the rest of our time enjoying London.

I didn’t get the role because I was the best actor. I got the role because I knew how to handle a horse and my partner got the role simply because he was dating me and fit the costume. Someone in the industry once told me that talent rarely gets you the job but it does keep you in the profession. What I learned from that experience was that there can be a multitude of reasons why you don’t get what you desire and the most mundane reasons why you do. It’s not that you’re not good enough. It could be because you didn’t fit the costume or didn’t know how to look after a horse. It’s not personal, it’s just life.